We leave for France in 13 days. It’s very exciting for me because i have never been out of the country, but i’m very nervous at the same time. Evan and i will have been dating for 8 months at this point and i have decided i need to tell him that i love him. This is the longest i’ve ever waited to tell someone that i loved them. I’ve finally reached the point where it’s stressing me out not to tell him though. I firmly believe in telling people you truely love that you love them on a regular basis just so they will always KNOW that i loved them if anything happened to me.
I’ve been really depressed lately and this weekend didn’t help at all. First off, I’m an emotional wreck right now and my haircolor turned out absolutely opposite of what i wanted it to be. Second, I am super annoyed with Ryan. Third, my family life….dear god when will it ever be calm. My mother refuses to admit she has a problem therefore she will not get any help. My grandma is super lonely and suffering with depression too. She went to counseling and it helped a little but then they refused to take her insurance so now she won’t go back. I hate that i can’t handle everything going on with my family. I can’t take care of my mom anymore, her lies have gotten to be too much and i just am bitter and resent her even though i know it’s her disease. Then i think about it and her and my grandma are my only family that love and accept me for who i am and i’ll probably loose them both in the next few years cause they are in such bad shape.
I fear that Evan won’t want to stand by me through everything and he is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and i don’t want to loose him. His family is just so “perfect” in comparison to mine and i don’t want to put him through the shit that i have to go through.